The CalmWithDom Podcast
Hey I'm Dominik, an Emotional Intelligence Coach for highly sensitive women ready to break their cycles of overwhelm to cultivate stronger relationships (both with themselves and others).
On this show, we do deep dives into how to best understand and leverage your sensitivity to thrive with tools such as shadow work, emotional intelligence skills, and more. My approach is psychospiritual because I truly believe we work best with all the language we can.
We're letting go of overwhelm and stepping into an unshakeable love of self over here, so I'm glad you've joined us!
From my sensitive soul to yours, I hope this helps.
The CalmWithDom Podcast
What Is Healthy Detachment? & Other Qs
If you've ever wondered one of the following:
"When is it time to healthy detach from someone?"
"What do I do when someone I care about doesn't respond well to my detachment or boundary?"
- then this episode is for you.
Today, we're tackling the tough questions surrounding when and how to delicately distance yourself from loved ones, without severing ties.
In this episode, we're going over:
- What healthy detachment actually looks like and feels like
- The myths associated with boundary-setting in relationships
- Why "cutting them off" isn't the only response to this issue
and more! I even threw in a Twilight reference to bring this topic home (you're welcome😉).
Drawing from a bunch of personal experiences and stories from client transformations, we'll delve into the essence of healthy detachment as a powerful form of energy protection.
Awesome Resources👇🏽
FREE:
Want to learn about all the ways I can serve you? Let's talk! Book a Free Connection Call with me here🩷
For proactive pattern-interrupting during times of overstimulation: Grab your Free Emotional Intelligence Self-Reflection Workbook here💙
PAID:
Click HERE to learn how to become deeply grounded in yourself as a highly sensitive, highly intuitive woman by learning how to protect your energy effectively.
Apply To Work With Me 1:1! For those of you ready to embody your sensitivity for relationships that fuel you (with me as your guide in your back pocket).
Leaving a rating and review is how you directly support the show - and how your comment can be included in an episode!
Go for it, sensitive soul - I can't wait to connect with you.
MORE INFO:
Website: www.calmwithdom.com
Instagram: @calmwithdom
Read The Blog: https://calmwithdom.com/blog/
Email Me: dominik@calmwithdom.com
When is it time to detach from someone? This is a question I get a lot when I'm connecting with you guys on social media, and it also came up with a client of mine. So I know that it's a question that a lot of highly sensitive people face and struggle with often, and what I usually get after receiving that kind of question is well, what do I do when they don't respond? Well, so that's what we're talking about today. I have a lot to say about it, so let's just get into it. For those of you who are new here, welcome to the Calm Down podcast, where I help you harness your sensitivity to overcome your energy leaks and strengthen your relationships with yourself and others. I'm your coach, dominic. Let's get into it now. I'm going to cut to the chase and let you know that I'm not going to be talking about boundaries this entire episode. I've talked about it enough. You can binge all of the other episodes after you listen to this one, but in this episode today, I am strictly or solely focused on healthy detachment, which, in my opinion, is the strongest form of energy protection, or one of the strongest forms Any highly sensitive person will benefit from. That's just based on the transformations that I've seen with my clients, as well as the transformations I constantly experience, and I'll get into what healthy detachment is. So hold that thought.
Speaker 1:I want to address the question how do I know when it's time to healthily detach from someone I care about? The reason why this question is so important is because the people who can hurt us, drain our energy the most and impact our lives the most, in general, are the people that we care about, the people who are closest to our hard space. So think family, friends, your partner, your favorite acquaintances and your social circles and networking circles. And when I'm asked this question, my immediate response like the answer that comes up right away is well, when you lose sleep over them and I get that hearing that for the first time may sound kind of harsh, like you'd probably gladly lose some sleep over the people that you care about, but healthily detaching from someone is not the same as communicating a boundary. In fact, you don't have to communicate anything at all when you're healthily detaching Well other than yourself. You've got to communicate that with yourself and make the decision within you, but that's about it. That's the only person who really needs to know. So my official answer to that question is you know it's time to healthily detach from someone when you experience an unharmonious energy exchange and newsflash. That happens all of the time, and I'm going to throw an example at you now.
Speaker 1:You could have one day woken up on the wrong side of bed, so to speak, maybe compared to your partner, who is all high energy one morning, you know, bright eyed, bushy tailed, ready to take on the day, ready to share and just overall very high energy. While you may not be in the headspace to do that, you need to take your time to start your day. That is an unharmonious energy exchange, communicating and interacting with your partner, two different energies and requiring different types of energy from each other. It's unharmonious. And so to deal with this, you either address it and let them know. Hey, this is nothing personal, I'm just. I'm just. I can't give you the energy you need right now. I'm tired, I need a second, I'm still waking up, I can't read more.
Speaker 1:You know what happens most often, I would argue, is sometimes your partner's just on the same page. Your partner gets it. They see you, they're witnessing you, observing you, and they know the kind of mood that you're in and ultimately they're okay because they don't really need you to reciprocate that energy back at them, right? They're understanding in the moment, or maybe it's you. You're the very understanding person, right? And my point being unharmonious energy exchanges are so normal in our relationships and they pop up all the time. They're happening in big and small ways, because no one can truly know what someone else is going through unless there's communication involved. And, as a highly sensitive person, you are really good at noticing unharmonious energy exchanges and adapting immediately to them, and so you are probably the one that doesn't take it personally when it's low stakes, like the example I just gave you, because you're understanding and quick to adapt and give other people the benefit of the doubt, right? So if you're the partner in that situation when your person tells you hey, I'm sorry, I just don't have it in me to match you right now, you're probably like, oh, that's okay, thanks for letting me know and congratulations if you are that partner, because you're a master at healthy detachment. That's all it is. And, to be honest, most highly intuitive, highly sensitive women that I work with are masters at healthy detachment when it's low stakes.
Speaker 1:Now this brings me to the question that I got from my client the other day, she asked me well, what do I do when a loved one doesn't respond to me or doesn't respond well to me, healthily detaching or me communicating a boundary? And if you were to bring this question to social media or Google, you are probably going to be bombarded with thought leaders and the masses agreeing that you should cut them off and don't look back. They thrive off of you not having boundaries and that's a red flag Hashtag protect your peace hashtag protect your energy. And I know these responses like the back of my hand, because I'm constantly seeing that and I know that you are too. And the truth is, most of the time I am in a grants because a lot of what these posts and these blog articles are talking about are extreme situations. That's what makes it a hot topic or go viral, because with an extreme situation where you're dealing with a narcissist, you're around people who do not give a crap about your needs and never have. The answer is clear, easy cut them off.
Speaker 1:But you know and I know that we are not constantly surrounded by these types of people, and also, anyone can be an energy vampire, consciously or unconsciously. Right, your loved ones can be energy vampires at times. Right, you can play the energy vampire in someone else's life without even knowing, because, as I said in the beginning of the episode, we are never fully aware of what's going on in the inner worlds of other people and even then, after communicating, we're probably getting an edited version anyway. So when your best friend, your romantic partner or family member doesn't respond well to you, setting a boundary or healthily detaching, it is optimal for you and your sensitivity to continue to healthily detach. Healthy detachment doesn't only look like not taking things personally and being this cool, calm, collected person all the time.
Speaker 1:F that healthy detachment is detachment with compassion. That means stepping away from your attachment to that person and allowing space for them to exist as they are, even when they're not being your favorite version of themselves. It's allowing your loved one to be fully themselves outside of the role they play in your life, and that's hard to do at first. It's difficult because we all play a role in someone's life. I am a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm a friend, I'm a coach and a mentor, I'm a caretaker to my pets and my plants, I'm a tenant, like it goes on and on and on. The roles we play in each other's lives are super important and you'd probably be unhappy if the conditions of those roles weren't being that.
Speaker 1:However and this is a fair warning, because I'm actually gonna reference Twilight the book, not the movie, if you know you know, but that scene in the book where Bella wakes up and she sees that Edward is all dressed up with a change of clothes, looking perfect and totally ready to be present with her and spend time with her, while she, on the other hand, is in no way, shape or form ready to be comfortable socializing. She just woke up, hairs a mess, her breath stinks, she didn't brush her teeth, and she pauses. She looks at him and says I need a human moment or maybe I messed that up, I'm going based off memory. I did not research this before. I don't have the books anymore, but that moment is usually what's required of us, when the people we love are simply having a human moment. Bella more or less calls time out on her role as girlfriend, as Edward's role, as her boyfriend, so that she can be Bella, the human person who has needs that she must tend to in order to show up in the relationship the way that she wants to.
Speaker 1:Okay, twilight references aside, this is what we are achieving, when we are healthily detaching and getting to a place where we can healthily detach in high stakes situations, when we're in active conflict with the people that we love, when we're about to step into really uncomfortable conversations, when there is uncertainty and our mindsets and our cognitive distortions maybe creep up and lean our processing towards the negative. But healthy detachment offers us in those moments is a place of neutrality where negativity is not too far off reach but so is positivity and we have autonomy over our responses to the situations that we're in. Like I said, it is really difficult when the conditions of the roles in our lives are not being met. It can't even hurt our feelings, which is what makes this tool so life changing Not only being able to regard the person that you love with neutrality, allowing the space for them to be whoever they need to be and respond and react however they need to, but also extending that neutrality to ourselves. Right, that's a hell of a lot of compassion that is being displayed. Compassion, that, that active word. Again, I love it because it is an action word. It's beyond empathy, it's beyond sympathy, it's embodying what is required for our sensitivity to serve us in these moments. And while I say that it is one of the toughest things for many people to accomplish. Healthy detachment is the strongest form of sensitivity in relationships.
Speaker 1:Speaking on the benefits of being a highly sensitive person, you have access to this in a way other people do not and you can take advantage, and this is how other people directly benefit from that. I know this is not a new concept that you've come across, but embodying the thing is completely different, and that is something that I've seen time and time again a highly sensitive, highly intuitive woman that enter coaching containers with me, master, at the end of our three months together. So if that is something that you're interested in, I have three spots left for the rest of 2023, until I have availability in February, and maybe entering a sacred container right now is not in your list of priorities, but if you want to talk about joining me in February, we can also do that. I'll have a link to the application where you just give me some information and where you can learn more about what is included prices, payment plans because there's so much, and if you need a more flexible payment plan, you can always email me. But I am welcoming you to work with me in this sacred container, so that you can master being grounded in your sensitivity in this way.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for watching. If this was helpful at all, I encourage you to share this episode, whether you're listening to the audio version or if you're watching it on YouTube. Liking it, subscribing, leaving a comment or sharing definitely lets me and the algorithm know that this show is full of value to you, which is my goal. Ultimately, all of my resources and links will be in the description box. I have enjoyed spending my time with you this week and I will see you next year.
