The CalmWithDom Podcast
Hey I'm Dominik, an Emotional Intelligence Coach for highly sensitive women ready to break their cycles of overwhelm to cultivate stronger relationships (both with themselves and others).
On this show, we do deep dives into how to best understand and leverage your sensitivity to thrive with tools such as shadow work, emotional intelligence skills, and more. My approach is psychospiritual because I truly believe we work best with all the language we can.
We're letting go of overwhelm and stepping into an unshakeable love of self over here, so I'm glad you've joined us!
From my sensitive soul to yours, I hope this helps.
The CalmWithDom Podcast
What Is A Sensation-Seeking HSP? Balancing Adventure & Sensitivity
So you know you're highly sensitive, but you realize your threshold for overstimulating situations and emotions is higher than other HSP that operate just like you...
Think breathtaking concerts, being able to keep calm in a packed space if you go to your happy place, the beauty of fireworks (the noise sucks, but if you're far enough away, you can get lost in the lights).
You know you're an HSP because having these experiences can still overcome you if you enjoy them for too long... so how do you cope?
That's what this episode is breaking down - everything you need to know about how you operate in the world as a high sensation seeking HSP.
In this episode, we talk about how you...
- Thrive taking calculated risks with the promise of greater rewards
- Balance your sensitivity with your love of stimulation
- Respect your sensitive needs in the face of potential overstimulation
- Can nurture relationships that expand you without neglecting your sensitive and sensation seeking side
With love, I hope this helps🌷
Click to watch this episode on YouTube!
Mentioned In Episode:
- Dr. Mark Zuckerman’s Research: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-22339-002
- Dr. Tracy Cooper’s Research: https://drtracycooper.org/2015/04/01/the-sensation-seeking-highly-sensitive-person-hsp/
- Failing And Trusting Yourself Anyway Episode: https://youtu.be/L_wwU1RJN6o?si=uAWR9JthbmXSs9xK
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This could technically be the start of my HSP myth-busting series, because many people, including highly sensitive people themselves, don't actually know that they can be the type of highly sensitive person that actually enjoys stimulation, stimulating situations, events, relationships, things like that. Which is fair, because the one thing that we really know about highly sensitive people is that they are susceptible to overstimulation, especially at a much faster rate than others. So how can a highly sensitive person enjoy you know that stimulation that they're so sensitive towards Introducing sensation-seeking HSPs? If you are shocked by this category of HSP or you might be thinking that you fall into this category, much like myself, then continue watching. We're gonna get into what a sensory seeking HSP actually is. But first, welcome to the Calm With Dom podcast, where I help you harness your highly sensitive nature to strengthen your relationship with yourself and others. I am your psycho-spiritual, emotional intelligence coach, dominic. Let's get into it. For those of you watching the video of this podcast episode, don't mind me looking at my script. I'm just gonna do that more openly now because editing I need to like streamline my editing process, so we're going with the sloppier, more real approach.
Speaker 1:But anyway, according to Dr Mark Zuckerman's Sensation Seeking and Risk research paper, which I'll have linked in the description box and show notes. Sensation seeking is defined as the need for varied, novel, complex and intense sensations and experiences and the willingness to take physical, social, legal and financial risks for the sake of such experiences. Now, you probably wouldn't couple the words risk and HSP together, but in fact 30% of HSP do enjoy risk. That's only because the risk is calculated, of course. The reward is seemingly promised. So, yeah, that kind of tracks with what we know HSPs to be, and it's something that we can definitely get behind. We are some of the stronger decision makers of any group. Not that we always make the best decisions, by the way. You know, we're not perfect but our sensitivity lends to the fact that we process a lot of information before making a decision. So, of course, a high sensation-seeking HSP would be better equipped to assess what risks are genuinely worth taking.
Speaker 1:And I say risk, but sometimes that risk looks like telling a risky, quote-unquote joke right to a certain uh group of people um, making a big investment that can pay off in the future, doing and learning new things on their own, um, which we'll get into. Or even being adventurous and taking like spontaneous trips. But even the examples that I give you. I wanted them to be varied, but understand that, like a lot of the times, the risks aren't the most stimulating to non-highly sensitive people but are very stimulating and it requires an investment of our energy. So on that note, I will say that the spontaneity that sensation seeking HSPs enjoy may look a little different than what non-HSPs usually go for, right, like their version of spontaneity. For example, a non-HSP will book a spontaneous trip They'll have a more go with the flow approach, right Whereas an HSP will book that same trip, right, very spontaneous, last minute. But they'll have everything kind of figured out and like leave wiggle room in their itinerary for whatever. That's more a highly sensitive person's speed. Where there is cushion, there is room to play. But more importantly, room to play but more importantly, they know when they're leaving and when they're coming back, right, not that HSPs you won't find them like taking one-way tickets, airplane tickets to go somewhere. It's just less likely, that's all. There are levels to the high sensations and highly sensitive people are mindful of it because they can get overwhelmed pretty fast.
Speaker 1:Physical risk-taking isn't the only form of sensation seeking either. With curiosity, there is an openness and willingness to new experiences that don't necessarily require you to take physical risks. Disinhibition, for example, is another form of sensation seeking. So think attending parties, taking substances, having different sexual partners, etc. These are all examples from Dr Tracy Cooper's research paper. I think it's in the form it's like on their website, so that's going to be linked below anyway, in those cases, the risks may not be a physical one but, like I said, a financial, a legal one, a personal risk, an emotional risk.
Speaker 1:So, referencing Dr Tracy Cooper's paper and their research in general, I do want to talk about what sensation seeking looks like combined with sensory processing sensitivity, right? Combined with the highly sensitive person, right? What does it look like on a highly sensitive person? I should say so. On a highly sensitive person, I should say so.
Speaker 1:According to dr tracy cooper's research, sensation seeking and sensory processing sensitivity combined look like curiosity, um, creativity and boredom. So dr cooper talks about how? Because hsp are more receptive, receptive to the subtleties of their environment. They're more curious people and more exploring, right? But in terms of the creativity, dr Cooper mentions two studies she did back in 2014 in which she recorded data highlighting the creativity of HSPs. In a qualitative study, over 90% of participants were creative and on a quantitative study, 87% identified with being a creative person. Dr Cooper explains that the sensation-seeking HSP can manage both of these traits both the sensation-seeking as well as their sensitivity, their SPS without a problem usually, except for when they invoke a disinhibition that involves risk-taking. That combination can get overstimulating pretty fast and leads to a negative experience for the HSP. So it's not really a risk worth taking anymore.
Speaker 1:And those are not Dr Cooper's words, those are my words, but I completely understand this from personal experience. Those are my words, but I completely understand this from personal experience. As a sensation seeking HSP myself, I have lots of experience with catering to my sensation seeking side over my sensitivity. And sometimes that looks like having to decide to reap the consequences of choosing my curiosity and my willingness and openness to have a new experience over honoring my sensitivity. And y'all know, if you're not new here, if you're not new to me and what I do, then you know that my priority is always to coach other highly sensitive women on how to honor their sensitivity, because a lot of times we don't know how to do that right.
Speaker 1:We're not. No one really teaches us how to do that unless it's very intentionally. Especially Western culture does not equip us with that kind of information. If anything, western culture does not equip us with that kind of information. If anything, um, we adapt pretty fast to our environments and what is socially required of us very sensitive to the, the social needs of other people's other people as well and that looks like having to ignore our sensitivity, cover it, um, do something that blatantly hurts our sensitivity and undermines our sensitivity. So definitely I wouldn't suggest putting yourself in a position where you're going to be, where you're choosing to overstimulate yourself without the proper tools to take care of yourself in that state, to meet your needs in that state, and that just gives us more autonomy.
Speaker 1:I've had to learn how to do that because I'm a sensation seeking HSP. Like I have decided, you know, I'm going to stay out later than I originally planned. You know, to keep up with the other people, not to keep up with the other people. I just that's a personal thing. People, not to keep up with other people? Um, I just that's a personal thing. That's not really an HSP thing, um, but personally I don't know what peer pressure is and, uh, I'll say that's a flex. Um, I've never known her, I don't know her and that's like a running joke that I have like with my friends and family, like they can't get me to do anything. I don't want to do, um, but when I want to do something, I'm going to do it and if I have the energy in the moment to, you know, fulfill, uh, my sensation seeking side, the thing that gets me that fills my cup, which is usually a deep connection, um, really cool conversations, um, or just like mutual interest, where, if I find someone who has a similar interest, um, and we both decide that we want to, we're both on the same page of like this is what I want to do in this moment. Will you accompany me? It's going to be a hell yes for me if I, even if I've had like a time and I'm running a little low energy wise, because the risk is worth it.
Speaker 1:I'll touch on this again in a little bit, but let me move on to a question that may be popping up for you right now, which is are sensation seeking HSP, extroverts? And the truth is, the majority of highly sensitive people are neither extroverted or sensation-seeking. Okay, so it can be hard to detect these kinds of HSPs, as mentioned in Dr Elaine Aron's psychology, in the highly sensitive person. One-third of highly sensitive people have the characteristics of a sensation-seeking person. You can be introverted and sensation-seeking. In fact, a lot of introverted, sensation-seeking HSP can appear extroverted because of their openness to new experiences. They're able to keep up with the extroverted people a bit better because of their curiosity and their keen interest in exploring, as I've mentioned, but also there are definitely extroverted HSP.
Speaker 1:I feel like, in terms of our like society's terms, like at least known terms and I'm pretty sure this is just my opinion I feel that sensation-seeking HSPs really fall under the category of ambiverts, ambiversion and those are just the extroverts that really need, like they can hang, but they do need time alone to recharge. You can get better at deciding to take these kinds of risks because as you learn how to navigate your overstimulation, your over arousal, it's easy for us to get overwhelmed. I think we're not the best people to be around when we're overwhelmed. I also know that there are several steps that you can take to avoid entering into the overwhelmed space. Right, we can de-escalate before we even get to overwhelm. And if you're interested in learning how to do that, in the episode before this one, failing and trusting yourself anyway, I basically break down how to de-escalate at least stimulating emotions mid-level emotions and low-level low-momentum emotions is the term that I use. I teach you what that means and we talk about it. It's a fun episode, very informative, with a lot of resources linked in that episode as well, so if you're interested, definitely check that out.
Speaker 1:Of course, the common result of keeping up with extroverted people is the need to recharge, as I've mentioned, and it took me a while to understand this for myself and what it looked like for myself. So I figure it's helpful to dive into this in case you realize you're also sensation seeking and you need guidance on how to honor your energy while honoring your desire for the sensations that you're seeking. Going back to my own experience with this, the consequences of not honoring my energy levels would look like staying out longer than I planned, as I've mentioned, but the results of that would be that I spend more that night. But the results of that would be that I spend more that night, for example, maybe money I didn't have for the sake of making sure that I got home safe. So not necessarily like spending money on the experience itself, but deciding to stick around to have a certain experience.
Speaker 1:The financial risk in that situation was spending money on an Uber to get home, you know, swiping my MetroCard a couple of more times that night, that day, whatever. These are small examples of what those risks would look like, but they were worth it, right. They're worth it for the experience. That's really what's most important. Those risks are necessary to honor my energy, which you know I would beat myself up about because other people just wouldn't, but I was born and raised in a city where the commutes were long and personal space is non-existent, and personal space is non-existent. And, yeah, taking the Uber back home versus commuting back sometimes definitely the case in order to not get myself put myself in a state of overwhelm, which would make me way more exhausted the next day, unable to sleep.
Speaker 1:The effects of that really do accumulate, especially for us as highly sensitive people. Sure that there are non-highly sensitive people that they can kind of do whatever and they don't have to think about those things. Another example of a risk would also be not having a designated or let me put quotes around this a designated support person. Almost like how, if you were to go out drinking, you have a designated driver. For me, a highly sensitive person's designated support person is someone who is among them or around them that understands their needs right, their SPS needs, their needs right, their sps needs. Sometimes I didn't have someone else around me to uh, that understood why I needed to take certain risks. That I did in order to avoid overstimulation or really to avoid overwhelm, because overstimulation that's pretty I mean that's promised in life and overstimulation that's pretty I mean that's promised in life and we can deal with it as long as we don't get overwhelmed. It's such a blessing to have someone in your corner who you don't really have to explain your sensitivity to them. They kind of just understand and it's not a complex idea either, simply having someone around who understands that. If you say I'm not actually going over there, I'm not going to hang for much longer. Just making sure that they understand that that's not a personal thing is chef's kiss.
Speaker 1:Sometimes the consequence of catering to my sensation-seeking side over my sensitivity looked like just not being able to indulge in new, exciting experiences the next day, Often what it really is realistically, at least in my life. And I'm sure there are going to be people listening to this that understand and can relate. But, like you know, you just can't say yes to all the plans. Making plans is a whole thing in adulthood in and of itself, but especially for the highly sensitive person, it may just mean that I'm saying yes to this event and the one two weeks from now. I probably don't have the bandwidth for realistically it's within a month. I had two events and those people. They're not going to see me for a while and that's okay.
Speaker 1:On this note of our relationships and spending time with the people that we love, something that sensation-seeking HSP actually struggle with is finding meaningful relationships that fill all of their cups. This goes for all HSP. Whether you're sensation seeking or not, desire people in our lives who recognize our emotional and intellectual depth and can reciprocate that back to us. The main difference between sensation seeking hsps and non-sensation seeking hsps so the highly sensitive people who do not seek out stimulation openly they're not the most receptive to it all the time is that they can actually be too sensitive for sensation seeking HSPs, especially when it comes to making plans, creating shared experiences together, even having healthy discourse again, which is something that I can speak to from a personal like.
Speaker 1:Personally, I'm someone who gets drained from prolonged discourse and heated debates, but I love a good debate once in a while, especially if I'm, especially if I learn something from it. If I get to learn from you, let's disagree and please like, please enlighten me right. It's enrich me with your data so that I can like compare it to the data that I'm working with. And yeah, I'm definitely not shy about debates or just like heated discourse in general. I don't even think that they need to be heated. A lot of times they're not in my life, which is I'm grateful for. That being said, I do not gain energy from these things, from these types of conversations, from these things from these types of conversations. I'm just more likely to have them and invest my energy in those kind of. I call them expansive conversations because they do expand me and they stretch me and, even if they make me a little uncomfortable, I'm always learning something. I gain something from it and it's that experience is. It's always worth it. But I'm not someone who is like looking, I can't do that often.
Speaker 1:And for those of you who are listening and who relate to me and relate to that specifically, be wary and careful about people, especially non highly sensitive people, especially non-highly sensitive people. They're usually non-highly sensitive people who do gain energy from that. Be careful. Be careful Because I've had experiences with a few and while you are like, uh, suffering at a certain point in in in a conversation that you know you're not really gaining the rewards of it anymore, or maybe you would have, but you, your, your energy is gone for it. You need to refuel. They're gaining your energy, they're being energized and taking from you in that situation and I'm always one to clock in unharmonious energy exchanges, basically. So be careful of that, protect your energy. Besides that extreme example, most of the time the risk of energy depletion is worth it for satiating my curiosity and willingness to learn.
Speaker 1:I've experienced connecting with highly sensitive people who are not comfortable with discourse for the simple fact that we are in disagreement. And it's actually it's a natural response for those highly sensitive people to step back versus dive in. They will avoid the uncomfortableness of having a different opinion and it's either for their sake they're protecting their energy or they're trying to be considerate and mindful of mine. That's just something that I've seen in my personal experience and I completely I see it. You know, I know what that reaction is Very common for us as highly sensitive people.
Speaker 1:What I will say to all HSP watching this video, sensation seeking or not, the best thing you can do to cultivate relationships that you enjoy is to appreciate how you receive recognition and reciprocity in those relationships individually. Think of this as dating right. Your romantic partner may not check every single box on your list for a dream partner, but the boxes they do check are the ones that matter the most to you. Ideally, you expect that all of your friendships have equal levels of depth of reciprocity in all of the same areas is pretty unreasonable and not representative of what a healthy, safe and supportive community can be for you. The variety of people that you get to enjoy in your life because they honor your energy, you honor theirs. You're both seen, you're both heard, you're both supported and encouraged. That can look like a lot of different things right, and sometimes highly sensitive people can limit the potential that they have for deep soul tribe relationships. You know whether that's just two people in your corner or 20. But anyway, this is a one of my quicker podcast episodes, I believe. I just want to quickly recap.
Speaker 1:Here's what you need to know about sensation seeking HSPs, especially if you are one. Your curiosity, creativity and susceptibility to boredom makes you thrive with both introverts and extroverts, while you have the threshold for excitement. You don't take risks casually or thoughtlessly. Being highly sensitive and sensation-seeking gets difficult only when you sacrifice one aspect of yourself for the other. I should say so pro tip is always consider and honor both, even if it looks like taking that risk right for the reward. Sometimes taking the risk to honor your sensation-seeking side will look like having to take more risks to honor your sensitivity afterward right Like as like the aftermath kind of thing. Adjust accordingly, meet your needs accordingly and as they come up. And the last one managing your expectations within your relationships doesn't actually limit them, but it can broaden their depth and your overall satisfaction.
Speaker 1:I feel for highly sensitive people who genuinely believe that it's hard to find the friendships for them where they're not sacrificing parts of themselves, they're not honoring versions, parts of their sensitivity in order to be there. That's not what your friendships should look like and it does require sometimes for us to manage our expectations. It's okay if there are like things that you don't like about your friends, like that I, it's such a. I feel like a non-highly sensitive person. If they listen to me, say this, they're going to be like yeah, duh, like my friend annoys the crap out of me but I love them to death. Right, that's my family. But honestly, I know this, I've worked with enough highly sensitive people. I am a highly sensitive person.
Speaker 1:This was hard for me, like I had to do a lot of like inner work to really understand that there's a fine line between trying to maintain a friendship with an energy vampire versus, you know, just having someone that you love dearly who's gonna annoy you or not always say the right things, or they may not always recognize what you need in the moment. And I see two things where highly sensitive people either beat themselves up for being unfair in their friendships because, again, that self-awareness and the awareness that we have of our thinking, like the awareness of how we think, is a uniquely highly sensitive trait. The flip side of that coin is highly sensitive people who have unknowingly taken a ticket in victimhood town and have made themselves victims and have not taken responsibility for how they might be making themselves unhappy in their relationships that have nothing to do with those other people. It's a wide spectrum, it's a wide range that you know, and we fall in all over that category and, I'm sure, with different people. But it is possible. It is possible for you to have the relationships that you want, understand your trait and manage your expectations accordingly. You are worthy of soul tribe. You are worthy of the relationships that fuel you in your life.
Speaker 1:I will end this episode there. That's the 411 on what is a sensation seeking HSP. If you found this episode helpful, I would love it if you shared it. And if you are a highly sensitive woman who's ready to leverage her sensitivity to cultivate healthier relationships and you don't know where to start, check out the Calm With Dom mentoring services to find out all of the resources I offer for women just like you, free and paid. All the things will be listed in the show notes and description box. Thanks for being here with me Until next time.
